First Level Leadership

Unspoken Drama Triangle of interpersonal relationship

Have you thought of interpersonal skills from this angle

What sort of dance is it?

We are playing out an unspoken drama in real life. I come home from work to find that my wife is coming down hard on our son for some mischief. She gives him an ultimatum....

Should I vastly enlarge the drama by supporting one of them? 

If I support my son, my wife might feel victimized. Should I then support my wife… or choose not to intervene? My son could turn around and say, “I don’t need help …” or, he might want to gang up against mom and play the game from that angle.

The game can pass over to several possibilities 

This counter productive interpersonal game can go on forever into endless variations. As the drama plays out, we may unconsciously switch roles, or change tactics to match the situation.

The motley drama can continue forever...

because it is ungraspable, chaotic and we are unaware of it. An interesting emotional triangle was identified by Stephen Karpman called the “Drama Triangle” which involves three interdependent roles of Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. A symbolic triangle of destruction. 

The three roles arranged around an imaginary triangle represent an ineffective response which prolongs the disharmony rather than ending it.

A drama with many encores and no bouquets 

The drama triangle describes the way we can invite or get sucked into unhelpful transactions that produce negative stokes for one or both people involved. It only works if one person is willing to play the role of "Victim," and another person is willing to play either "Rescuer" or "Persecutor."

While you read this article, 

draw an inverted equilateral triangle on a paper. Now draw a double sided arrow on each side of the triangle. On the bottom of the triangle write - "Victim(poor me), on the left side write - Persecutor(it is all your fault),and on the right side write - Rescuer(let me help you). Now you have Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle in front of you. 

What is the meaning of double sided arrows around the triangle? 

The arrows around the triangle indicate that although you may start off in any one place (for example as the Rescuer), you are highly likely to play different roles before the transaction ends.

Complications are astonishing with three people  

When there are more than two people involved, the change of role tends to become more frequent and complicated. Typical examples of triangulation are: 

1.Father, Son, Mother
2.Trainers, Participants, Managers
3.Teacher, Children, Parents
4.Colleague, Myself, Manager
5.Player, Coach, Situation and the list goes on

You can use this tool to assess

the challenges of interpersonal relationships, regardless of personal or professional interactions. 

The dysfunctional dance is so deceptive and misleading that it is very hard to recognize and acknowledge your involvement.

By Ronen Cohen

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